And so the mask slips more

In a conversation concerning my baby-daddy, I learn that, indeed, my mother in her pathology broke us up. So, not only did my daughter and I suffer for thirteen years without the father figure in our dynamic, but –HORRIBLE!– I also rabbited from the house. (I’m certain THAT wasn’t her plan.) Thirteen years I wouldn’t speak to you, Mommy Dearest, but my daughter pleaded for me to tear down that wall.

I did. And you (BEEP!)ed me again.
Your pathology isn’t fix able. I get that now. As for my postings? I’ve never been silent. I’ve always demanded a reckoning. Did you really think that part of me had changed? You overplayed your hand. Like all megalomaniacs always do.

Always.

Shamed into silence? No.
Never.

“There’s a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch, it’s bringing me out the dark
Finally I can see you crystal clear
Go ahead and sell me out and I’ll lay your shit bare
See how I leave with every piece of you
Don’t underestimate the things that I will do

There’s a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch
And it’s bringing me out the dark

The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can’t help feeling
We could have had it all
(You’re gonna wish you never had met me)
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You’re gonna wish you never had met me)
And you played it, to the beat
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

Baby, I have no story to be told
But I’ve heard one on you
And I’m gonna make your head burn
Think of me in the depths of your despair
Make a home down there
As mine sure won’t be shared

(You’re gonna wish you never had met me)
The scars of your love remind me of us
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
(You’re gonna wish you never had met me)
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
I can’t help feeling
We could have had it all
(You’re gonna wish you never had met me)
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You’re gonna wish you never had met me)
And you played it, to the beat
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside of your hand
But you played it, with a beating

Throw your soul through every open door (woah)
Count your blessings to find what you look for (woah)
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold (woah)
You’ll pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow (woah)
(You’re gonna wish you never had met me)
We could have had it all
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
We could have had it all
(You’re gonna wish you never had met me)
It all, it all, it all
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

We could have had it all
(You’re gonna wish you never had met me)
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You’re gonna wish you never had met me)
And you played it to the beat
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

We could have had it all
(You’re gonna wish you never had met me)
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You’re gonna wish you never had met me)

But you played it
You played it
You played it
You played ME to the beat.”(Adele)

Welcome to my world

A Georgia judge had tough words for a woman who pleaded guilty to helping her boyfriend rape and molest her two young daughters.

“I don’t know that I have ever said a curse word from this bench, but you may be the vilest bitch that I have ever met,” Bibb County Superior Court Judge Howard Simms told Amanda Arellano on Thursday, The Macon Telegraph reported.
———————–
I wonder of the statute of limitations is out regarding the abuse I suffered at my mother and her boyfriend’s hands? Hmmmm

Dirty Little Secrets by Benatar

(And appropriated by me, I confess.)

Mom,

Nobody’s perfect, certainly not us
We’ve all got secrets to keep
I would have kept yours safe in my heart
You would have always known where to find me
And I hate you in your [malfeasance]you know
But I hate myself even more for loving you so

Sometimes I believed what you had to say
Then I watched you bleed all the truth away
Somewhere in my heart there’s a place I know
Where all our dirty little secrets go

Sometimes it hurts so bad that you cry
Then there’s the times you wish you had died
Sometimes the truth is worse than the lie
Sometimes
Sometimes it’s best to lock it away
In a place that is secret and safe
Sometimes you just pretend you don’t know
Sometimes it’s best to let go

Good bye.
Thanks for the gift of my life but I don’t owe you anything else.
I hope you one day find what you’re looking for

Yeah, here it is

Simply replace “lover” with “mother” and that’s the story of my life.

The saddest part? While I may have been The Golden Child in her eyes, the tool that will make her seem PERFECT, my brother was the “other one.” I was the one she thought would be the most useful, the one she stole from a loving father for her own malicious, indifferent agenda. My brother was the one set onto the sidewalk with his luggage, like so much garbage, and left behind.

http://www.narcissisticmother.com/how-narcissistic-mothers-create-sibling-rivalry

Celebrate, my brother. That you don’t realize what you escaped by being the “other one” is a victory in my view. You escaped. The fact that she sobbed into your ear, claiming “I love you” but never bothering to DO ANYTHING for that claim (yanno, like be a parent to you) is a normal part of the pathology.

You were the fall back option, then and now.

I celebrate every moment that you don’t realize what you avoided. You are my brother. I love you. I wouldn’t want you to know what you could have lived.

“Arrival” inspired by an acquaintance of mine

Here he is, (brazenly stolen from his fetlife profile without permission.) (I suck.)
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His name is Sgt. S. Miles. (Hot, Hot, HOT!) And he lives in my city. (How lucky am I? *beatific smile*) So, upon drooling over his profile pictures–seriously, hot, Hot, HOT!–my muse woke up from her nap.

Hmmm… a book inspired by this fellow… Yeah.

I checked with him, and he was open to it. And so, Sgt. S. Miles became 1st Sgt Mike, one of my alien super soldiers.

More, Miles had some professional photographs. Cover art too? How lucky was I???!!! The photographer and I worked up a contract for the cover art–did I mention, how hot it would be?–and I got to work. 25k words in, and things are looking good, so I thought I’d share an excerpt.
_________________________________________

The festivities were in full swing but Liam Sinclair decided that he’d had enough. Well, for the moment, at least. It was the hottest days of summer, just a few days after the equinox, and the sun’s rays blazed into the beautiful Gorge amphitheater.
That’s when he’d started dancing but now it was full dark.

Lights played their neon messages across the sable sky. Stars flickered like distant fireflies. The scent of the daylight wildflowers and humid river fecundity was replaced by the sweaty mire of twenty-thousand bodies grooving to the music.
The event was happening inside “The Gorge at the George,” and the twenty-thousand seats venue looked to be filled to capacity…okay, more than capacity if he counted the inevitable gate-jumpers who’d snuck in. And everyone danced. It was awesome.

Considered to be one of the most scenic outdoor concert venues, probably helped along by the natural beauty of the Columbia Gorge at one border, the annual Paradiso Festival pulsed its annual event of electronic dance music into the air. More, it wasn’t expected end for some time yet. Like, late tomorrow night.

Yeah, he was up to it. He just needed to catch his breath.
Actually, he could use a swim. In beer.

Liam headed over to the vending booths, where the smells of garlic and spice and whatever-else-was on the grill wafted on the breeze, and purchased two bottles of water. The first he chugged immediately and tossed the empty container into the recycling bin. The second bottle he drank from at a more moderate pace as he wandered back toward the stage-front crowd.

He checked his placement against lights and stage equipment, banners and talent, and concluded, yeah, he was in the right place. Then he scanned the crowd to locate his friends. Just as he’d left them, happily banging to the beat. Then he spotted something else, something unusual enough to warrant a second glance.
A group of Urilqii.

Newcomers to this planet—jeez, how amazing was that?—the visitors were active in oceanic reclamation, temperature stability, and ozone layer reparation. They also, creepily enough, watched the skies for something they called “The Targolt.” Endlessly, unrelentingly, obsessively they watched…except when they danced. The Urilqii, faultless pieces of eye candy the lot of them, loved to dance on their days off.

Go figure.

They also loved tattoo shops, which was amusing because they each wore an identical piece of art of their right pectoral before they’d even made landfall on Earth. Humanity had learned the art identified the separate military companies of the battalion based on Earth.

There were six military companies on this rock and the ones in the Pacific Northwest area wore designs that looked like a bug. Camel spiders, actually, except that the camel spiders walking their planet were the size of station wagons. Complete badasses, he speculated, which would explain the military icon.

Liam sipped his water and contemplated the Urilqii. They danced among the crowd like an island of bright colors highlighted by stage lights. They swayed to the electronic beats, draped in colorful and merry garments, looking like rare blooms amid a forest of Earth flowers, like orchids amid tracks of wildflowers.

Then there were the Mohawks. Each wore their hair spiked into a palm frond crest along the middle area of their skull. Blues, Reds, Greens, and colors he’d never seen before…they reminded him pictures he’d seen of nebulae found in the dark reaches of space. Well, except for the one guy who stood apart a small distance.

His military cut hadn’t been formed into a Mohawk and while he was dressed in merry, festive colors it seemed to Liam that he’d cloaked himself in darkness. Gorgeous, though, like the others of his kind. Dark haired and light skinned, a powerful build, muscles both men and women dreamed about… and during spacewalk or underwater, those colors blended into the darkness. Insta-camo. Like a Great White shark or one of those Peregrine Falcons…or even the gray and white tomcat he’d had as a teen.

Like everyone else, Liam had d been glued to the television and computer the first year of the alien arrival and watched the recorded dives for data and spacewalks. Any and all videos of the Urilqii had gone instantly viral. Youtube had turned them into instant internet superstars, whether they’d wanted to be or not.

The guy must have felt him watching because he turned his head, followed by the rest of that sculpted body, and faced him. Their gazes met…held…

Narcissistic People DESTROY PEOPLE

“Yet, when I [unfortunately fell beneath the malfeasance of] someone with this serious mental health malady, I wanted to slam an entire set of broken porcelain down his/her throat sideways and [ALSO DO SO TO EVERY] obtuse moron that believes the garbage that comes out of his/her mouth.

“No, it’s not that I suddenly became a person interested in physical violence, I suddenly became a person who was witnessing a DSM category all wrapped up into a physical being – who turned his/her mental health problems ON Me.

“I became a target of a person with a problem they say, ‘Hurts people.’

“HURTS people,” I say, “Narcissistic People DESTROY PEOPLE”.

(http://afternarcissisticabuse.wordpress.com/2013/12/01/signs-that-youve-been-abused-by-a-narcissist/)